“By the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It’s the Greek for messiah, a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the ‘H’ in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It’s one of the things I should have asked him. Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial. Joshua was my best friend.”
Angel Stephan tells Angel Raziel to go down to Earth (or “dirt-side” as they call it) and resurrect Biff - who has been dead and buried for about 2000 years - so that he could complete the missing parts of the Bible. I thoroughly enjoyed this creative, irreverent, warm and funny story by Christopher Moore about the ‘lost’ years of Jesus Christ.
Under the watchful eye of Raziel (who is really only interested in soap operas and Spider-man, and who doesn’t get the difference between television and real life) Biff completes “The Gospel According to Biff” - the true story of Joshua’s childhood and youth, and how he came to finally become the Messiah he is known as today.
Borne of an utter helplessness as to how to fulfill the prophecy, Joshua decides to travel eastward to seek out the Three Wise Men who attended his birth, in hopes of getting some tips on how to be a Messiah. Leaving behind their childhood home, with all its memories - their lessons, their crush on Mary of Magdala, the bully Jakan, the village idiot Bartholomew, the sin of Onan (look it up!) … the two best friends go on a long journey, where - between inventing sarcasm and discovering coffee - they gather precious bits of knowledge in preparation for their final destiny.
From Balthasar, an African magician living in Kabul, Afghanistan, they learn everything from Taoism and alchemy to life with eight concubines and a dragon. The Buddhist monk Gasper, who runs a monastery in the mountains of China, teaches them meditation, the martial art of judo (well, ‘jew-do’, originally) and the ultimate secret of the Yeti. In India, the yogi named Melchior teaches them about the Divine Spark (which later forms the basis of the idea of the Holy Spirit) and how to multiply rice and fish. India is also where Biff learns all about the Kama Sutra.
These are the experiences that form the basis of the future of Joshua and his devoted band of 15 disciples who help him with everything from writing the speech for the Sermon on the Mount to being active members in the unfolding of the final drama.
The two main characters, Joshua and Biff, were brilliant. Biff is as funny as he is smart, and remains a staunchly loyal friend to Josh till the very end. Angel Raziel may call him an a**hole; but that’s probably because Biff refuses to let his aura blind him to the fact that the angel is extremely dim witted, at one point even asking him if he’s sure the glow around him isn’t his stupidity leaking out of him. Joshua has also been portrayed as a really cool person - sure, he heals people and talks about the love of God - but when the situation calls for it, he also drops the ‘F’ bomb, and teaches a small girl to show the middle finger to a corrupt Roman soldier.
And that’s really at the core of that added ‘feel good’ air about this story. It doesn’t portray a histrionic god or an extremist religion. If at any point the story tries to ‘teach’ anything, it’s really just a gentle reminder of a back-to-basics view of religion, of being kind, of doing good. And of not taking anything too seriously - “remember bacon”.
Although it didn’t need to be said, the author’s epilogue - an absolute must-read for those who harbour unease - summed up his intentions perfectly. When all is said and done, as Moore says, “This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone’s faith; however, if one’s faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.”
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